overloaded - a look at sensory processing disorder
Sensory Processing Disorder, or SPD, is common amongst people with neurodevelopmental disorders. Yet because it is so difficult to see happening or to explain it remains largely invisible and misunderstood.
This can cause a great deal of difficulty for those suffering with SPD, especially when it has not been accurately identified by the individual themselves.
This was my situation for a long time. I knew that things bothered me that didn’t seem to get to other people, but I thought that I was just weird. And because I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t have any resources for dealing effectively with what I was feeling. I just thought I shouldn’t be bothered, so I would white-knuckle through seemingly intolerable stimuli until it became too much. Then I would - seemingly suddenly and for no reason - have a large negative reaction to things in my environment. Other people noticed and I earned a reputation for being a spaz.
The other major way that untreated SPD affected me negatively was that the stress of constantly dealing with it without healthy coping mechanisms was a large drain on my emotions. I was always stressed out and “on edge”. So when any sort of conflict came up - however unrelated - I had less energy and patience to deal with it. This led to unnecessary arguments and many, many hours of tears, frustration, and generally feeling misunderstood on my part.
I finally realized that I had SPD when I came across an explanation of it in a Tourette Syndrome support forum. After reading the explanation it just clicked and I felt like I finally understood the “missing piece” in my brain that had been standing between me and being able to just enjoy things without feeling stressed out for years.
It finally made sense why specific noises caused me physical pain, why I just CAN’T wear certain fabrics, why I can’t tolerate not shaving (even while on vacations when I don’t have access to a shower) because the feeling of hair makes me itchy, why overly bright lights sometimes make me anxious, why I have trouble following conversations when too much noise is going on, why I am about a hundred times pickier than my husband about what mattresses and sheets we buy, why I’ve never been able to wear socks with seams, and so much more.
These things all bother me because my nervous system is inefficient in performing the essential function of down-regulating unimportant information.
In a normal brain, lower levels of consciousness filter out details that aren’t helpful to you in the exact moment, so by the time information coming in reaches your conscious awareness most of it has been “thrown out”, so to speak. You’re only ever really being presented with a very small amount of information at a time.
A brain with SPD, on the other hand, doesn’t perform this function effectively. Too much information is getting passed up to the level of conscious thought, which means that in many instances there’s too many things to think about at once all competing for attention. This can make it incredibly hard to focus on truly important details. People with SPD can become very overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments, which creates a large amount of stress in a relatively short amount of time, especially if there are practical demands on attention such as following a conversation or performing a school or work related task.
The good news is that once I learned what I was dealing with, it became much easier to find effective coping methods.
I learned is that it’s okay to admit that I feel overwhelmed and to take a “time out”. If I take just a few minutes to remove myself into a less stimulating environment and calm down, I can go back with a fresher mind and be better able to handle the demands on my attention.
When I can’t take time away, I’ve learned how to give myself a break from some stimulation without physically leaving. Closing my eyes for even just a few seconds can help somewhat with visual overstimulation. Putting in headphones can block noise and allow me to think more clearly. Focusing on a different more comfortable sensation can help me to tune out the things making me uncomfortable - for me, this can look like rubbing my thumb on a textured shirt I’m wearing, “fiddling” with a piece of jewelry, or tapping my foot while sitting at a desk or other seated arrangement. (This, I’ve learned, is called “stimming”. What I do is not as noticeable as the actions you may see associated with autism spectrum disorders, nor is it entirely involuntary, but it serves the same purpose of helping me tolerate an overstimulating environment.)
Other people have found coping methods besides mine which work better for them. I know someone who always carries a fidget toy, like a spinner or worry stone. Others wear specific clothing such as compression sleeves to provide them with comfortable sensory input that helps them to feel calmer. If you are dealing with SPD it might behoove you to look up what others have tried since I am sure there are entire forums filled with things that I haven’t thought of.
The biggest thing which I’ve found, though, is that understanding what I’m dealing with gives me the language I need to be able to explain it to other people. When I was able to give others a better glimpse into the inner workings of my brain, I found that there was a lot more understanding, sympathy, and readiness to accommodate.
Overall, learning about myself and educating others has been a positive experience. Through my own adjustments and small accommodations others have made, I’ve been able to reduce SPD down to a manageable size. I still have to think about it sometimes, but I don’t find myself feeling alienated by its effects anymore. I spend much less time feeling overwhelmed, and so much more time enjoying just being me.